Introverts, Take Off the Mask: How to Come Out of Hiding and Start Being Yourself
Stop hiding behind a mask and
Start being yourself.
Introverts in healthcare often find themselves hiding behind a mask, pretending to be someone they're not just so they can fit in and meet the extroverted demands of their job. But what if being yourself is the key to having more ease, energy, and satisfaction in all areas of your life?
Maybe you've never heard the term that describes how we sometimes hide our true self just to fit in, but instantly recognize the behavior I'm talking about.
Or maybe you're aware of the term, but never noticed that you sometimes mold your behavior to project a more extroverted face to the world.
How do we introverts function in the world? Often, by masking.
Masking is a type of protective mechanism used to avoid judgment and rejection. It's frequently discussed in neurodivergent circles, but introverts do it, too.
Instead of being yourself, you consciously or unconsciously find yourself forsaking your natural tendencies, hiding your emotions, and adopting a personality that isn't quite your own. Do it long enough, and you might not even know the real you.
Over time, you pay a heavy toll.
Whether you're hiding at work or in your personal life, it takes a lot of energy to be someone else. All the extra effort can contribute to burnout.
So, why do we do it?
Why Introverts End Up Hiding Behind a Mask
Introverts have been reported to make up anywhere between 16-50% of the population. That’s a wide spread! We all land somewhere on the introvert/extrovert spectrum, so study definitions may vary. Even if you’re bumping into introverts regularly, you may not recognize it because many of us are pretending to be extroverts.
For the most part, we’re living in a decidedly extrovert-friendly world that often values and rewards traits like assertiveness, sociability, and quick decision-making. Signs suggest that these broad preferences aren't changing any time soon, so we adapt.
If you dance among a balanced combination of introvert and extrovert traits, adjusting your behavior and energy to suit the situation, you’re likely an ambivert. Ambiverts’ personality traits land somewhere in the middle of the introvert/extrovert scale. For ambiverts, intentionally “extroverting” can be beneficial and enhance your ability to adapt to whatever comes your way.
If you’re someone whose personality traits tip the scales further on the introvert side, masking can feel more like a strategy for surviving (rather than thriving) in extroverted environments.
One randomized controlled study suggested just that.
The study examined whether intentionally acting more extraverted (the technical term most often used in psychology) for one week influenced participants’ well-being. Participants were asked to reflect on their “acting-as-if-you’re-an-extravert” experiences in the moment and two weeks after the active study phase.
Researchers found that introverts did experience an in-the-moment increase in positive affect when acting in an extraverted way, though less so than those who landed in the middle or closer to the extraverted end of the scale. The effect was not sustained when participants later reflected on their experience.
Notably, introverts also reported an increase in negative affect while acting more extraverted, had decreased feelings of authenticity at the 2-week follow-up, and experienced higher levels of tiredness at all points during the study.
Hiding behind a mask of extroversion is a coping mechanism that helps and hurts.
The most obvious reason for introverts to go into hiding is simply to fit in. When you've repeatedly received the message that outgoing and assertive are preferred over reserved and thoughtful, you might be compelled to show up as the former, even when it takes a significant amount of energy to do so.
You get to work and "turn on" a version of you that feels more capable of meeting the daily demands that come your way. It also helps you decrease the likelihood of being misunderstood and judged as shy, aloof, or unfriendly.
You may have also discovered that sliding the extrovert mask on also helps you get noticed for leadership and other desirable roles and helps you avoid conflict and awkwardness.
To be sure, hiding behind a mask of extroversion can serve its purpose. It can also be exhausting and harmful in the long run.
The Costs of Hiding Behind a Mask of Extroversion
Masking is nothing new.
It was described as early as the 1950s when Erving Goffman, a sociologist and psychologist, described "life as a theater" and emphasized how we are the performers of our lives.
What happens when the performer takes center stage and the authentic person is left waiting in the wings?
It seems obvious, but when you're consistently and significantly hiding your authentic personality, you'll inevitably get to a point when the costs outweigh the benefits.
How often do you notice the following:
You're exhausted. The most apparent toll of masking is the massive amount of energy it takes to continually show up as an extrovert rather than being yourself.
This is particularly challenging in the busy healthcare environment when you're often required to perform for long periods with rare opportunities to seek the solitude and calm that allow you to let down your guard.
By now, we've all learned effective multitasking is a myth. Yet, introverts masking at work are essentially in a near-constant state of multitasking. This can negatively affect work performance. Many introverts are expending a significant amount of brain power just trying to show up in an extroverted way. Pile on rapid-fire patient encounters and complex decision-making, and it's no wonder you're exhausted by the end of the day.
The negative consequences can seep into your personal life, as well. When you've spent the entire workday "on", you’ve got nothing left to give at the end of the day. Introverts can find themselves wanting to retreat into solitude rather than spend time with family or friends.
Over time, the impact of daily exhaustion builds and makes you more susceptible to burnout.
You're stressed and irritable. Many introverts are acutely sensitive to their environment. While loud sounds, strong smells, and bright lights may fade into the background for extroverts, sensitive introverts experience sensory stimulation as a constant drag on their energy and attention.
Ignoring these inputs and carrying on as usual can become a source of chronic stress and anxiety.
You're anxious. No matter how long you've been masking or how well you do it, there may always be a nagging question in the back of your mind: "Am I pulling it off?"
Hiding behind a mask isn't easy. Sometimes, it slips.
Introverts can end up spending time and energy worrying about what will happen if their mask is discovered. You might frequently feel on edge, wondering how people perceive you, especially in the workplace.
Because introverts are deep thinkers, they can also end up replaying situations over and over in their heads, wishing they had said or done something differently.
You feel like a fraud. Imposter Syndrome isn't limited to introverts, but when being yourself feels wrong and masking is your norm, it doesn't take a big leap to find yourself experiencing this phenomenon.
Masking can lead to feeling that you're not an authentic person and your true self isn't good enough. Thinking of yourself this way can quickly snowball. The result is a loss of self-esteem and doubt in your abilities.
Equally harmful to introverts who value honesty is the sense that they're being disingenuous with those around them. The discomfort of presenting yourself as someone you’re not can impact your ability to develop rapport and deep connections. The result is stunted personal and work relationships.
You feel alone. For introverts, there's a bright line between nourishing solitude and painful isolation. Chronically hiding behind a mask can lead to the belief that no one knows you, and if they did, they wouldn't like your authentic personality.
Again, this makes it difficult to develop genuine bonds and leaves introverts feeling disconnected. For introverts who crave deep connection, the effect of masking is that you're left in the realm of superficial relationships.
Yes, masking can serve its purpose at times, but allowing a persona not reflective of your true self to be the only way you present yourself to the world can be harmful and debilitating.
Embrace Being Yourself to Create Breathing Room
At the heart of it, your ability to stop hiding behind a mask and start being yourself lies in self-acceptance.
Likely, you've practiced some behaviors so often that you're not quite sure what being your true self looks like. No worries. Little by little, you can find your true self again.
5 steps to slowly start letting yourself be seen:
1. Recognize When You're Masking and Why
Awareness is essential for creating change.
Notice, without judgment, the people and places that trigger you to move away from your authentic personality in favor of fitting in with extroverted norms. For instance, do you feel compelled to be always available and upbeat for your patients and colleagues?
Then, get curious. Why do you feel triggered? Is it a fear of judgment? Maybe it's feeling you "should" act a certain way?
Take a deep breath. Acknowledge that you feel it's necessary to act a certain way. Question if that belief is true.
2. Practice Small Acts of Authenticity
Consider your strengths as an introvert.
In healthcare, your qualities of deep listening, thoughtfulness, and providing a calming presence are highly valuable.
Start letting your authentic personality show in low-stakes interactions.
Using your awareness and observation skills, you may discover that quiet and calm are precisely what a patient or colleague needs.
Take the mask off.
Let these moments of being yourself help you build confidence over time so you'll feel more comfortable when faced with higher-stakes situations.
3. Embrace Communication as Connection, Not Performance
Deep connection is your calling card.
Resist the urge to perform and give yourself a chance to connect authentically.
Do what you do best. Listen deeply. Be fully present. Give your inquisitive mind room to roam, and let your curiosity lead the way.
The clinical setting can provide the perfect opportunity for connection. Personal conversations are expected. You can minimize the small talk, quickly get to the "meat" of the conversation, and let your patients know you truly see and hear them.
4. Create Boundaries That Honor Your Needs
Boundaries are a gift you give yourself.
In the case of masking, they are an excellent way to reclaim your energy and prioritize your authentic personality.
Chronically hiding behind a mask creates a cycle that ultimately crushes your well-being. Wearing the mask drains your energy, and low energy makes it difficult to find the courage to show your true nature.
Establish guardrails to limit your availability and protect your energy and solitude to the degree that feels right for you. Your boundaries may be as subtle as closing a door for privacy or as overt as directly stating you will not be available during a specific time frame.
5. Allow Compassion From Yourself and Others
First, give yourself compassion. Recognize that being yourself and sharing your authentic personality is an act of vulnerability and courage. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate every tiny step that brings you closer to letting go of your mask.
Second, take advantage of the compassion given by others. Seek out people and environments where you feel safe to be yourself. Search for introvert-friendly groups filled with people who value depth and authenticity. The more you practice unmasking, the more you'll see you're not alone in your experience. Even better, you'll start to recognize your true self is "enough".
Out of Hiding and Into the Freedom of Being Yourself
Wearing a mask can be fun for a while, but the goal is always to come home to your true self.
For introverts in healthcare, masking at work can certainly help you function in an environment that's not your ideal. Even so, it can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, and disconnection from yourself and others, all of which contribute to burnout and decreased career satisfaction.
Allowing yourself to show up authentically lets you create more meaningful and fulfilling life experiences, deeper connections, and greater well-being.
Bringing your true self to the workplace also creates safety and a positive environment for others to do the same. And when we're "in it together", we can drive changes systemically and culturally.
Why wait? Now is the perfect time to come out of hiding and step into the freedom of being your true self.
Want to learn more about using self-compassion to overcome perfectionism?
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Charity is a physician and burnout coach helping introverts in healthcare escape feelings of apathy, irritability, and resentment brought on by the increasing demands and decreasing rewards of medicine.
She uses her 20 years of experience in clinical medicine combined with coaching to help introverts discover ways to be diligent, thoughtful clinicians while prioritizing their needs and protecting their energy. She wants you to know you don’t have to feel guilty for wanting a thriving life inside and outside of medicine.