How to Calm Down: A Guide for Introverts Living in a Chaotic World
Use simple strategies to
Stay calm in the chaos
How are you doing right now? No, really, I want to know. We often ask the question and don't expect or wait for an answer. If you're feeling anxious, wired, and worried, read on for strategies to calm down when life feels chaotic.
First, let's talk physics.
Physics class was never my strong suit, but one word has stuck with me through the years: entropy.
The term was first used to reference the laws of thermodynamics. In broad strokes, entropy generally refers to the idea that everything in the universe is moving from order to disorder. Despite its origin in physics, the concept has been applied to everything from economics and sociology to biology and the climate.
We're always moving toward chaos, whether we recognize it or not.
Most of the time, that truth doesn't keep us from enjoying life. But there are times when everything feels too out of control.
You and I need a way to deal with that.
Here's my plan.
Recognizing and Redefining The Chaotic World We Live In
Back in the 6th century BCE, a dude by the name of Heraclitus made a wise observation.
"The only constant in life is change."
I'm sure he didn't quite envision all that was to come, but I think he had it right.
Our world is constantly changing, shifting, and throwing us off balance. We're continually assessing, adapting, and reacting to the challenges life throws our way.
Sometimes, they come at us in annoying but relatively tolerable ways: a messy house, a computer that keeps freezing, or gum on the bottom of your shoe.
Other times, change feels overwhelming. Losing a loved one, facing a financial crisis, or being at war can open up an emotional hole that threatens to swallow you whole.
Every day, our senses are bombarded with sights, sounds, and events that have the potential to knock us off our center. The only way to survive is to work with, rather than against, the chaotic forces we face.
I doubt I need to tell you the effect of uncontrolled stress and worry. When left unchecked, stress negatively impacts our mental, emotional, and physical health.
Understand that even seemingly little stressors can break us when they're the last of many chronic pressures and concerns. That's why it's essential to separate what's worthy of expending your valuable energy and what's not.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst calamity ever, where do each of your stressors land?
One helpful way to figure this out is by asking yourself, "Will this matter in an hour? A day? A month? A year?"
When Everything's Out of Control, Start With Acceptance
By taking time to identify your stressors and examine them thoughtfully, you can decide which ones truly deserve your attention.
The less significant stressors in your life are easier to let go. Start practicing now. Your well-being will be better for it.
Author Byron Katie is often attributed with sharing this bit of wisdom:
"When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time."
To her point, I've been guilty of wasting excessive amounts of energy wishing something wasn't the way it was.
That wishing got me nowhere. Instead, it kept me stuck.
Much of what happens in our lives is out of our hands. We can't change others' behaviors, control natural disasters, or convince a cold virus that we're not a great host. Despite all our planning, preparation, and good intentions, we will sometimes land in circumstances we'd rather decline with an emphatic "No thanks."
Knowing when to take off your fighting gloves and move into acceptance is crucial for protecting your emotional and energetic reserves.
To be clear, accepting is not the same as condoning.
You can accept reality AND wholeheartedly disagree with someone's perspective, feel the sting of rejection, or be annoyed by how your family member folds towels.
All of these feelings are valid. Let yourself experience them. Then, look for a way forward.
Acceptance acknowledges, "This is happening whether I like it or not. This is how I feel, but I don't want to stay stuck here. Now, I get to decide how to move on even when I can't change the circumstance."
For minor stressors, moving to acceptance can feel reasonably straightforward. It lets you stay calm when things aren't exactly going your way.
When life feels chaotic, you'll likely need more strategies to help you feel calm and grounded.
When Life Feels Chaotic and Crushing, Control What You Can Control
What happens when you're facing one B-I-G stressor? Or when your stressors have become so many in number that it feels like they've started ganging up on you?
Just as you wouldn't expect to control a multi-system disease with a single intervention, your strategy to stay calm may require a many-pronged approach. In the same way bodies have their unique response to disease, you and I may need different strategies to release our dis-ease.
I'm providing tools to help you explore, experiment, and discover. You get to design a choose-your-own-adventure guide for how to calm down in ways that are most effective for you.
Are you ready?
Find Your Calm Space
Take a moment to close your eyes and pause. Take a deep breath.
Where are the places you feel most energized, relaxed, or at ease? What physical locations create a sense of safety or comfort for you?
One way to anchor yourself mentally and emotionally is by identifying a "calm zone" that you can visit when things feel too chaotic.
You can take advantage of having a calm space in several ways.
First, if you have access to physical locations that have a calming effect on your nervous system, take advantage of that and visit often. I find calm in nature and head to the forest in times of stress. Walking among trees that are sometimes hundreds of years old helps me remember that I, too, can withstand the tests of time.
Secondly, you can create your own calm zone at home or work. Decorate your space in ways that feel soothing to you. Include pictures that make you smile, take advantage of soothing sounds or scents, and adjust the lighting to suit you. You can even include living beings in your space, whether that's a pet fish or a lovely green plant.
Finally, you can visit your favorite places in your mind. Just as you did when you brought your "happy places" to mind, you can close your eyes and imagine yourself in your favorite places. For maximum effect, make sure to engage your senses. If you're somewhere tropical, feel the warmth of the sun and the grains of sand beneath your feet, smell the salty air, see the gulls overhead, and hear the waves crashing as you watch them roll onto the beach. You might even taste the pineapple and coconut in your favorite fruity drink.
Whether you stay for a few minutes or a few hours, put yourself in an environment that raises your level of "feel good".
Use Grounding Techniques to Stay in the Present
Grounding, in the energetic sense, is a way to soothe yourself and come back to the present.
When things feel chaotic, stress and anxiety often come from perseverating about what has already happened or worrying about what might happen in the future. Give yourself a break from both by tuning into what's happening right now, even if it's just for a few minutes.
One way to be in the present moment this is through a five senses meditation.
This technique is one of my favorites, and I often combine it with movement while in my calm zone.
To perform the five senses technique, you simply identify and name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
Let in a little playfulness and make it a game. How many times can you perform the meditation in the same space and notice new things?
Using the breath is another great way to ground yourself when life feels out of control.
When your nervous system is on high alert, use your breath to slow things down.
Start by paying attention to your breath without changing the pace. Your breathing will often be shallow in times of stress. Next, breathe in for a count of one and out for a count of one. On your following breath, inhale for a count of two and exhale for a count of two. With your next breath, increase to a count of three for each inhale and exhale.
Slowly increase the count as you breathe until you reach a comfortable rhythm and notice that you've started moving toward calm.
Another simple option is using a stone or other object to ground yourself. Be sure to keep it handy in a pocket that's easy to access.
When your thoughts start racing or you feel the tension rising, use the object to bring you into the present moment.
Paying attention to the texture, weight, shape, and temperature of the object allows you to redirect your focus to using your tactile senses.
Let Routines Create Comfort
When everything around you feels topsy-turvy or you're feeling tossed around by all that's happening in the world, routines can be a source of comfort. They can give you a sense of normalcy and control when nothing else does.
You can create a calming ritual around almost anything, so give yourself time to reflect on the habits and customs that bring you pleasure and fill you with a sense of things being "right".
Creating a routine that brings you relief from the chaos can be as simple as a few minutes of meditation before getting out of bed, eating your lunch outside, or taking a hot shower before bed.
The possibilities are endless.
Give Your Attention with Intention
Your attention is a valuable currency. Spend it wisely.
Have you ever had the experience of getting a new car and then, suddenly, you notice that model of car everywhere?
The number of those cars on the road didn't magically increase. You just started paying more attention.
When you find certain people and events stressful, decide how much time and energy you want to give them. With today's always-on, easy-access technology, it's easy to become inundated with bad news.
Humans have an inherent negativity bias. Unfortunately, the most prevalent news is also frequently negative. When you feel overwhelmed by unpleasant and contentious reporting and comments, take a break.
There's a difference between being aware of what's happening in your world and letting yourself drown in negative stories and gossip.
Move The Negative Energy
Pent-up negative energy can make you feel irritable and on edge. The longer you try to appear calm without giving yourself strategies to feel calm, the more the tension grows.
Movement can serve as a tremendous pressure relief valve and mood booster.
As with all the tips we've reviewed, titrate to your needs.
On some days, you might need soothing movement to help you stay calm. A slow stroll, gentle stretching, and yin yoga might help you feel more at ease.
If you need to boost your mood, dancing, running, or taking a brisk hike can be helpful.
When you want to push your stresses away, kicking, punching, and shaking out your body can be surprisingly cathartic.
Choosing to Be Calm
Knowing what's in your control is critical when exploring how to calm down in the middle of a chaotic day - especially when that day stretches into weeks or months.
It's not always easy, but acknowledging and releasing what is out of your control is your first step toward freedom.
Then, use the tools above to mix, match, and blend your secret sauce to create calm. Try a bit of this, a pinch of that, and a sprinkling of belief that you can get through whatever challenges come your way.
If you need more support, check out the resources below.
Charity is a physician and burnout coach helping introverts in healthcare escape feelings of apathy, irritability, and resentment brought on by the increasing demands and decreasing rewards of medicine.
She uses her 20 years of experience in clinical medicine combined with coaching to help introverts discover ways to be diligent, thoughtful clinicians while prioritizing their needs and protecting their energy. She wants you to know you don’t have to feel guilty for wanting a thriving life inside and outside of medicine.