Feeling Exhausted? Requesting Support is a Power Move
Now’s the time to
Ask for support
How many hours, days, weeks, months, or years have you spent feeling exhausted under the guise of being strong and independent? And how's it working for you?
There's an unfortunate mindset that's pervasive in healthcare. Most likely, you're under its spell.
It shows up as that little voice that whispers,
"I should be able to handle this.""Everyone else seems fine. What's wrong with me?"
"Get it together. The pity party is over."
"If I want it done right, I should just do it myself."
It's that voice that drives you to suffer in silence. It keeps you isolated and feeling "less than."
It's also a driver of burnout.
Because introverts are more likely to be introspective, private, and protective of their independence, they can be especially susceptible to this kind of thinking.
But you were never meant to function in a silo. The idea that you can do everything on your own is a myth.
Requesting support isn't weak. It's a power move.
The Road From Independent to Exhausted
It's no secret that being a healthcare professional can be challenging. For introverts, working in the medical field presents specific stressors. You probably know them well.
While patient care is rewarding, frequent, often high-stakes, social interactions can be draining. This can be especially true when introverted doctors or nurses are forced to bypass their natural tendencies and care for large numbers of patients in a short time period.
Additionally, it can be challenging for empathic introverts who are sensitive to their colleagues' and patients' emotions. Empathy and compassion are desirable traits for healthcare professionals, but introverts can find themselves exhausted emotionally when they're regularly steeped in others' emotions.
The pace of healthcare is only getting faster. This leaves little room for introverted medical professionals who require solitude, downtime, and opportunities to recharge. Being expected to perform maximally when energy levels are depleted is a setup for exhaustion.
Introverts are also affected in other less obvious ways. Many introverts are highly sensitive to their environment. Bright lights and constant noise can silently drain introverts' energy and lead to feelings of overwhelm.
The nature of work in healthcare is frequently unpredictable. This can be challenging for introverts, who often crave stability and predictability. Introverted healthcare professionals can have their energy zapped by emergencies, unpredictable patient loads, and shift work.
In the extrovert-oriented field of medicine, I'm sure you've noticed introverts are regularly compelled to put on their smiling extrovert mask, take a deep breath, and press on.
You can do this for a while - until you're so drained and exhausted that you have nothing left to give.
Or, you could consider doing something audacious and outlandish. You could request support.
Why Asking for Support is a Power Move
The US is expected to experience a shortage of up to 86,000 physicians by 2036 (Association of American Medical Colleges). Similarly, a shortage of over 330,000 registered nurses is expected by 2036 (Health Resources and Services Administration).
For the integrity of the healthcare system and patient welfare (and let's face it, we're all patients), it's essential that healthcare professionals receive support.
It's essential that YOU receive support.
One of the best ways to start accomplishing that? Ask.
Let's start moving away from the "I should be able to do it on my own" mentality. I'm endorsing a different perspective: Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.
Instead of staying on a path that leaves you exhausted emotionally and physically, what happens when requesting support is seen as an act of courage, strength, and assertiveness?
After all, requesting support requires self-awareness and vulnerability. It also demands authenticity, self-respect, and a willingness to start setting crucial boundaries.
Everyone needs support, whether they acknowledge it or not. Asking for help isn't giving up. It's how you rise up.
When you allow yourself to receive support emotionally and physically, you increase your well-being, decrease your burnout risk, and model healthy behaviors for everyone around you.
When you request support and become better for it, you help tear down the stigma that needing support is a sign of weakness. Through your actions, you become the proof that asking for support is a sign of emotional intelligence and professional maturity.
Let's get started.
It's OK to Ask for Help: Overcoming Obstacles That Keep You From Getting Support Now
You're exhausted. And yet, there's something that stands in the way of your ability to reach out and get the help you need.
Your thoughts about yourself and others can significantly impede your ability to reach out for help.
Limiting beliefs create an invisible force field that keeps you isolated and stuck. They do so by stoking fear, shame, pride, and doubt. They try to convince you that requesting support is selfish or you're not deserving of assistance. They may even remind you of failed past attempts at asking for help.
In addition to negative thoughts, your body may also be telling you it's not safe to need support. The pit in your stomach, the heaviness in your chest, or the tightness in your throat can all be signals that silently scream, "Keep it to yourself!"
Before you can make requesting support a power move, you must believe and feel it is.
Here are a few simple strategies to help you get started:
Change the Voice in Your Head
Start reframing how you view requesting support. Try these thoughts:
"I can give myself the same compassion I'd give someone else suffering this way."
"It's unreasonable for me to expect myself to handle everything on my own. No one is capable of doing it all."
"It's OK to ask for help. I would want someone I care about to do the same."
If these thoughts don't ring true for you, adjust them so you can honestly believe them. If your mind resists the declarations above, add "it's possible that" to the beginning of the sentence and see how that feels.
Engage Your Body
Changing your thoughts doesn't help if your body is telling you it doesn't agree.
Use slow, deep, comfortable breaths with a longer exhale to bring your parasympathetic nervous system online.
Use your posture to signal to yourself that it's OK to take up space and ask for what you need. Lengthen your spine, relax your shoulders, and lift your chin. Pay attention to how these simple actions can help you feel more expansive.
Generate positive momentum through movement. Choose something that feels fun and elevates your mood, whether it's a brisk walk, dancing, or simply stretching. This is particularly helpful when you're so exhausted that you can't muster the energy to ask for support.
When you're contemplating how to request support, you want to make it as easy as possible. The first step is getting your mind and body onboard with the plan.
The next step is doing the thing.
How to Thoughtfully Request Support
You've finally jumped the mental and physical hurdles of requesting support. Now, how do you thoughtfully request support in a way that respects your energy and lets you feel strong and in control? Create a system.
Embrace Your Interconnectedness. Remember, the very thing you need help with may be the type of task or project someone else loves to do. The same may be true when someone needs your help in the future. Approach your request for support with the spirit of collaboration, keeping the "if you want to go far, go together" proverb in mind.
Honor Your Needs as an Introvert. Asking for help can feel scary and awkward. Whenever possible, it's essential to charge your energetic batteries and create comfort for yourself.
Maximizing your energy may mean asking for help only after a good night's sleep or retreating to take a few minutes of alone time before initiating an interaction.
If your mind feels scattered or you're concerned you might have difficulty expressing your needs, you may feel more comfortable initiating the conversation through written communication.
If you decide to have a verbal conversation, choose a calm, quiet environment to decrease the likelihood of being distracted from what you want to say.
Know What You Need Before Asking. There's a difference between "I'm exhausted. I can't take it anymore. I need help" and "I'm struggling with getting my charting done by the end of the day, and I would benefit from having a scribe or getting more training to help me more efficiently use the EMR."
When you have clarity about what you need, it makes it easier to know who to go to for help. It also makes it easier for others to know how to help you.
Get SMART With Your Request. A common strategy for getting what you want entails using SMART goals. Wayne Baker, cofounder of Give and Take, describes a twist on the SMART strategy when requesting assistance.
When you formulate your request, make it:
Specific: As noted above, you make it easier for others to know if and how they can help when they know exactly what you're asking for.
Meaningful: When you share the meaning behind your request, you foster connection and understanding. You may even discover a shared goal. "My elderly parent relies on my support," gives the person you're asking greater insight than, "I want to be finished by five."
Action: Give adequate information about the action you want someone to take. "Will you show me some new strategies for navigating the EMR efficiently or introduce me to someone who can help me?"
Realistic: While it's helpful to visualize your ideal circumstances and ultimate goal, start small and keep your requests realistic.
Time: "Someday" is never the best timeline for achieving change. When you're making your request for support, include a specific time frame.
Allow Room for Alternatives. Keep in mind that the person you're making a request of might not have the ability or capacity to accommodate you. However, they may have other ideas for reaching the same goal or know someone else who can help. Be open to suggestions.
A well-thought-out strategy when requesting support makes the experience more enjoyable for all involved. But, unfortunately, it doesn't mean you'll always get what you want.
What to Do When Requesting Support Doesn't Work
Asking for support can stir up fears of judgment, rejection, and dismissal.
What happens when you've made a thoughtful plan, allowed yourself to be vulnerable, and taken the courageous step of requesting support only to be met with a big, fat, "No"?
First, give yourself compassion. Recognize that the simple act of making a thoughtful request for assistance is a success in and of itself. Simply by asking, you've demonstrated awareness and professional maturity.
Second, accept that not all requests will be met with success. A positive or negative response is not a reflection of your abilities or your value. Period.
Next, reassess and revise. Consider whether you communicated your request clearly. You may need to reframe your request for greater clarity, ensure there weren't any misunderstandings, or consider another approach to meeting your needs. It may also be that you didn't ask the most appropriate person and you'll be met with an emphatic "Yes!" by a different individual.
Finally, keep asking! Trying to do everything on your own leads to feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Each time you make a request for support is an opportunity to learn from the situation, gain greater confidence, and become more effective at making future requests.
It's Time to Make a Power Move
You deserve much better than feeling overwhelmed and exhausted emotionally and physically.
It's time to understand that you're likely surrounded by people who want to support you.
But you have to ask.
A global study by Rebecca Zucker, a founding partner at Next Step Partners, found that working professionals who don't ask for help scored 23% higher in feelings of overwhelm.
Wayne Baker found that 70-90% of assistance given in the workplace occurs when people request support.
The writing is on the wall.
Your well-being depends on your ability to request support. No more waiting.
Ask for support now.
Charity is a physician and burnout coach helping introverts in healthcare escape feelings of apathy, irritability, and resentment brought on by the increasing demands and decreasing rewards of medicine.
She uses her 20 years of experience in clinical medicine combined with coaching to help introverts discover ways to be diligent, thoughtful clinicians while prioritizing their needs and protecting their energy. She wants you to know you don’t have to feel guilty for wanting a thriving life inside and outside of medicine.