Rethinking Perfection: The Power of Self-Compassion in Burnout Recovery
Let go of perfection,
Take on self-compassion
It took me a long time to see the damaging effects of perfectionism and even longer to see the value of self-compassion for healthcare professionals. I want to help you get there sooner.
The back story: My intern year felt pretty intense. By the time I reached my third year of medical school, I had already figured out I wasn't a huge fan of inpatient medicine. So, even though I had matched into what I felt was the perfect specialty for me, I still had to make it through that all-important intern year.
I decided to participate in a transition year. The idea of variety appealed to me. I figured I could survive any specialty for a month. What I didn't consider was how that meant I'd be starting from scratch each month.
The result was a constant feeling of never knowing what I was doing and an ever-present fear that I'd mess something (or someone) up. These concerns were the most prevalent in fast, high-pressure settings that weren't suited to my introvert nature.
At the time, I was the only member of my extended family working in healthcare. When I confessed my concerns to a family member one weekend, the response was less than helpful.
"That's why they call it the practice of medicine," they said off-handedly. While I'm sure the comment was meant to be supportive, it felt glib - and totally ridiculous.
As I had experienced it, medicine wasn't about practice. It was about perfection.
That pressure to be perfect dogged me for years. Have you experienced the same?
Healthcare professionals will always be under intense pressure to perform at a high level. It's imperative for the safety of our patients.
That's why this blog isn't a call to stop having high expectations of yourself. Instead, I hope it's a balm to soothe you when you miss the mark.
The Price of Perfection
How do healthcare professionals suffer in the pursuit of perfection? Consider these scenarios:
▶ A physician who exhausts herself by routinely spending more time reviewing and completing charts than she does with her patients.
▶ A pharmacist with increasing anxiety who creates delays in the processing of prescriptions because he repeatedly checks and rechecks orders before they go out the door.
▶ An overwhelmed administrator who avoids delegating because she believes she's the only person who can "do it right" and ends up drowning in to-dos.
▶ A nurse who fails to complete his shift duties because he's so afraid of doing something wrong that he can't bring himself to start some of them.
▶ A therapist with a successful, fully-booked practice who spends the majority of her free time fretting over patients and their situations.
The signs of perfectionism can sometimes be vague and difficult to nail down.
They can show up in the way we think, as manifested by constant self-criticism and unrealistic expectations. Or, in the all-or-none assumption that anything less than perfect is failure, and any failure will lead to catastrophic results.
The signs can also manifest in our behavior, such as excessive attention to detail, procrastination, and avoidance of situations that may lead to anything less than 100% success. They can show up as overworking or having difficulty with delegation.
Perhaps most worrying is the emotional toll taken by the pursuit of perfection. The price of perfection can include excessive stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It may also show up as rigidity, needing to do things the "right way", and an inability to accept feedback without feeling devastated.
Together, these attributes can drive healthcare professionals to emotional exhaustion, decreased job satisfaction, and burnout.
The need for perfection forces healthcare professionals to continually navigate an obstacle course in which the lauded finish line is a moving target. There's no time to pause for self-care or recovery.
The equation is stacked. It's energy out, not in. Period.
And that, friend, is a situation that's far from perfect.
Getting Comfortable With Self-Compassion
There is a way to seek excellence without beating yourself into emotional and physical exhaustion. And that way is through self-compassion.
If you weren't turned off by the word self-compassion in the title of this article, kudos! It means a part of you knows that the state of perfection is an illusion. You've recognized the irony of your perfection lies in its negative impact on your ability to function optimally.
By redefining your expectations for yourself, you can use self-compassion to create sustainable mental and physical well-being in healthcare, whether for burnout prevention or burnout recovery.
Before you can embrace self-compassion and, with it, self-acceptance, you must first believe that cultivating this trait serves you better than the punitive, shaming, and fearful approaches commonly used in the pursuit of perfection.
To do that, you need to understand what self-compassion is and isn't.
Self-compassion is NOT:
▶ Letting go of your goals and desire to excel
▶ Being complacent
▶ Ignoring your mistakes
▶ Self-pity
▶ Weak
Self-compassion IS:
▶ Having goals AND recognizing that you are valuable and worthy regardless of whether you achieve them
▶ Giving yourself kindness, understanding, and acceptance while also acknowleging failures or imperfections
▶ Being open to seeing constructive criticism as a path toward improvement, not shame
▶ Acknowledging that fallibility is part of the human condition and does not reflect a personal flaw
▶ Giving yourself the same compassion and understanding you'd give a close friend or family member, and releasing shame so you can embrace support and encouragement
Self-compassion isn't giving up.
Instead, it's embracing your strengths AND limitations, allowing for mistakes and shortcomings, and making room for discernment and growth.
When you can give yourself self-acceptance and self-compassion, you release yourself from the prison walls of perfection.
Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, describes this state of being with a beautiful analogy to growing trees. She says you can plant the seeds of who and how you want to be. You can then water, care, and nurture those seeds, but you'll never have total control over the outcome. Self-compassion is the thing that lets you realize you can do what you can, but you can never be sure the tree will grow.
Self-compassion is the acknowledgment that despite doing everything "right," things won't always turn out the way you want them to. Self-compassion also recognizes that even when you're not flawless, it doesn't make you less than.
It's this level of comfort with yourself that lets you create the emotional balance, flexibility, and resilience necessary for burnout prevention and burnout recovery.
Self-Compassion in Practice
Intellectually understanding a concept and making that concept work for you are not the same thing. When you're in the middle of a stressful day or unable to sleep at night, knowing the benefits of self-compassion, like reduced burnout, improved life satisfaction, and enhanced coping skills, isn't enough.
A fellow mindfulness student put it this way: compassion is action, not sentiment.
You have to know how to put self-compassion into play. Here are some ways to do just that:
Set Realistic Expectations: Set kinder, more realistic expectations for yourself. This, in itself, is an act of self-compassion. Avoid setting yourself up for disappointment and failure by not expecting yourself to be superhuman in the first place.
Pause and Breathe: Interrupt negativity and overwhelm with a few deep breaths and an acknowledgment of what you're feeling. Breathe in self-compassion and breathe out judgment.
Practice Mindfulness: Regretting the past or worrying about the future can drain significant energy. Mindfulness provides an opportunity to ground yourself in the present. When you first start, you may only be able to stay in the present for a few seconds. That's OK. Jump back in when you need to.
Use Affirmations for Self-Compassion: Become familiar with the usual internal soundtrack of your perfectionism. Then, have a couple of go-to affirmations to support yourself, such as, "I can be excellent without being perfect," or "I use my energy to strive for greater well-being, not perfection." The more you say it, the more you'll believe it.
Talk to Yourself Like a Friend: You wouldn't belittle or chastise a friend simply trying to do their best. Give yourself the same understanding. Talk to yourself in the same tone, and with the same degree of encouragement, you would give a friend.
Recognize Our Common Humanity: Everyone struggles. No one is perfect - not even those healthcare professionals who look like they have it all together. (Chances are someone else sees you the same way.) You are not alone in your doubt, fear, and frustrations. Take a deep breath and acknowledge that.
Listen to a Guided Self-Compassion Meditation: If you can't generate self-compassionate thoughts, try a guided meditation focusing on self-compassion. Try this 13-minute "Self-Compassion Break" by Chris Germer, a leader in the integration of mindfulness and psychotherapy.
Give Yourself Soothing Touch: Physical touch releases oxytocin and contributes to feelings of safety. It can be a powerful source of comfort. Soothing touch can be as subtle as holding your hands or, for a bigger gesture, you can put your hands over your heart or hug yourself. This can feel silly at first but don't discount the benefit of touch.
Practice Self-Forgiveness: Healthcare professionals can be beyond hard on themselves. Forgive yourself for mistakes and missteps. Acknowledge the error and then give yourself permission to move forward without guilt. Letting go of guilt and shame builds your self-compassion during moments of perceived failure.
Write Your Way to Self-Compassion: Writing is an excellent tool for getting out of your head. Try writing a letter to yourself as if you were sending a message to a close friend. Or use a journal to describe a time you were hard on yourself and reframe your response to include understanding. Either way, offer yourself kindness.
Don't Let Perfection be the Enemy of Good
Working in healthcare can feel like you're perpetually playing a high-stakes game. Perfection may seem like a requirement to play.
Unfortunately, the price of perfection is your emotional and physical well-being.
Treating yourself with kindness is the winning move.
It won't be easy at first. Remember to celebrate every step you make toward self-compassion and self-acceptance. Commit to trying new ways to support yourself daily.
I'll always remember the day my need for perfection backfired on me.
Afterward, a colleague wisely advised me, "Don't let perfection be the enemy of good." I've tucked that phrase in a corner of my mind for safekeeping and return to it any time I find myself pushing too hard.
The experience of perfection isn't always as advertised.
Maybe I shouldn't have been so offended by that family member who's off-handed comment rubbed me the wrong way. Perhaps I didn't catch the underlying message.
You're human.
You'll make mistakes.
It's part of the game.
It doesn't mean you're not winning.
Want to learn how to use self-compassion and let go of perfectionism?
Need tips on how to set effective boundaries?
Create calm in the middle of your busy day with myl free Mindful Minutes Toolkit.
You can access it for free here.
Ready for 1:1 support from someone who understands your introverted nature?
Learn more about working with me here.
Charity is a physician and burnout coach helping introverts in healthcare escape feelings of apathy, irritability, and resentment brought on by the increasing demands and decreasing rewards of medicine.
She uses her 20 years of experience in clinical medicine combined with coaching to help introverts discover ways to be diligent, thoughtful clinicians while prioritizing their needs and protecting their energy. She wants you to know you don’t have to feel guilty for wanting a thriving life inside and outside of medicine.