Letting Go of the Introvert Excuse: Go From "But I Can't" to "I Can and I Will"
Do the thing because you’re
A bold introvert
Confession: I've done it.
I'm guessing you've done it. At least once or twice?
What is “it”?
Using your introversion as an excuse to stay safe and hidden.
You're intelligent, talented, and creative. You've got ideas!
You know all this. You're a successful healthcare professional. Yet, how often have you found yourself holding back, retreating into the shadows, or maintaining your silence?
Have you passed up leadership roles? Stayed silent in meetings? Missed out on connection? All because the alternative felt like too much?
There's a difference between honoring your authentic needs as an introvert and
letting a label become the sneaky reason you keep yourself stuck.
Let's dive in and discover how we use our introversion as a shield and how we can instead use it to our advantage and stay true to ourselves.
Signs You're Using Your Introversion as an Excuse
If you've been hanging out with me long enough, you'll know I'm always endorsing the power of awareness. It’s essential.
We all have blind spots. Here's how the introvert excuse might be hiding out in yours:
Do you find yourself avoiding tasks or interactions that push you out of your comfort zone while using the reasoning, "It's just because I'm an introvert."
This might include turning down opportunities or minimizing visibility. You might decline collaborative projects, hesitate to voice your opinion, or turn down opportunities - even when you get honest with yourself and acknowledge you have something valuable to offer.
The appeal of staying in your comfort zone keeps you from taking on new challenges. In extreme cases, you may be progressively isolating yourself over time to avoid the discomfort of stepping into the unknown.
All of this can lead to negative self-talk that tells you you're incapable before you ever give yourself a chance to try. Over time, you find yourself in a looping downward spiral of inaction and eroded confidence.
The Consequences of the Introvert Excuse
Each time you use the introvert excuse against yourself, it creates a subtle piece of evidence for yourself and others that your introversion is a weakness. It's not. We'll get to that. But first, consider the consequences.
Missed Opportunities
You and I both know you're capable and innovative. When you allow your fear to masquerade as introversion, you hide these innate traits.
The result? Maybe you're passed over for promotions or leadership roles because of the misconception that you're uninterested or unmotivated. Or you may experience difficulty in developing or nurturing relationships because you come across as aloof or unavailable.
Whatever the opportunity may be, don't miss it by using the false reasoning it wasn't meant for you because you're an introvert.
Becoming Trapped in a Fixed Mindset
Our brains are excellent at finding evidence to support our beliefs.
The more evidence you accumulate that you can't [fill in the blank] because you're an introvert, the more likely you are to start buying into the idea that your choices and opportunities are determined solely by your introversion.
Thinking of yourself as incapable creates a cycle of self-doubt that undermines your confidence.
How you recharge and manage your energy is undoubtedly tied to your introversion. It's the common denominator all of us introverts share.
The rest of it? We're all on a spectrum. No two of us are exactly the same. You get to decide what's true for you. What serves you, what do you want to keep, and how do you want to show up?
Authenticity, Introversion, and Showing Up Boldly
If you've found yourself falling into the trap of "I can't because I'm an introvert," it's time to flip the script.
Start remembering everything you can accomplish because you're an introvert.
Let's start with the power of "and". Start challenging the idea that introversion and brazenly going after what you want are mutually exclusive. Intellectually, you already know this. But when it comes to the unknown, you might need a reminder!
Everyone, introvert or not, experiences doubt and uncertainty at times. One thing that can help you as you expand your comfort zone is remembering to focus on your "why".
The deeper your inspiration and motivation lie, the more likely you'll keep going when discomfort arises. It's one thing when your goal is a nice-to-have and something else entirely when it's a must-have.
Introverts share many common positive traits. Remember to leverage your strengths.
Rather than focusing on the skills and attributes you think you're missing, recognize all the amazing qualities you bring to the table. Introverts often excel at the skills of deep thinking, observation, reflection, and innovation, to name a few.
Use your creativity to determine how to use these qualities to your advantage.
When you find your "yes", you hit that sweet spot of showing up authentically in your power and taking full advantage of your existing talents rather than feeling you must be more. You start noticing the flutter in your chest is less about fear and hesitation and more about excitement and anticipation.
Perhaps most importantly, celebrate your wins.
Remember, you believe in what you’ve established evidence for. Create a record of all your successes, especially the times when you thought you couldn't achieve the goal but did it anyway.
The No-Excuses Roadmap for Introverts
There are many misconceptions floating around regarding introverts. We've been pegged as shy, dull, and asocial. Some even see us as unambitious. While that’s possibly true for a few, it's certainly not the rule. We merely approach life differently than extroverts.
When you're ready to drop the introvert excuse, the following tips can help you broaden your horizons.
Reframe Your Narrative. Catch yourself. Every time that I-can't-because-I'm-an-introvert thought pops into your head, redirect it. Replace it with something positive. Start practicing thoughts like, "My introversion helps me to…" Even better, document the many ways being an introvert has positively impacted your life and work.
Take Small Steps Toward Visibility and Using Your Voice. Start "presencing" yourself in small ways. Introverts typically have a rich inner world. Start voicing your thoughts out loud. Even if you're the only one in the room, it helps you build the habit of speaking up. After that, you can create small goals to build up your comfort with visibility. This might look like sharing one idea in a brainstorming session or voicing your opinion in a setting where you'd typically hold your tongue.
Put Your Strengths to Work. Once you’ve documented your wins, start looking for patterns. When you know the ways in which you naturally shine, it's much easier to expand upon those talents. For example, if you enjoy writing, sharing your opinions and ideas with the world may feel less intimidating when done in a written format, such as an opinion piece or a book. No matter what you're trying to achieve, identify at least three strengths that can help you reach that aspiration.
Set Realistic Goals. Just as you wouldn't go from couch potato to marathon runner in a day, don't expect yourself to hop into something new with full grace and ease. My favorite way to approach goals is by breaking them into introvert-friendly pieces. Doing so creates forward momentum while letting your nervous system slowly adjust to your new ways of stepping up and out.
Seek Out Allies. Allies can show up in different ways. You might find inspiration or support in a book or workshop. Connecting with fellow introverts who understand you and your struggles can help you feel less isolated. Working with a mentor or coach can provide highly personalized encouragement and guidance. Challenge yourself to identify at least one way to help yourself feel nurtured.
Why I Wrote This Blog for You (and Me!)
Growing, expanding, and going after what you want can be intimidating.
It doesn't matter where you land on the introvert/ extrovert spectrum; fear, doubt, and uncertainty often accompany you when you're trying something new. It's a normal reaction. However, we introverts can get tripped up by using a label to keep us from asking for more—from ourselves and others.
I'm a private introvert. At various points in my life, I've certainly used my introversion as an excuse to stay hidden.
Once I recognized I was doing this and saw how my introvert excuse was holding me back, I found ways to play at the edge of my comfort zone. The result? I now show up in ways I never would have imagined, AND those ways no longer feel intimidating or anxiety-provoking.
So, I've laid out this road map for both of us.
For you, just in case using the introvert excuse is keeping you stuck. And for me, as a reminder when the next challenge pops up, so I can tell myself, "I can do that because I'm an introvert."
Want to learn more about introvert strengths and weaknesses in the healthcare setting?
Create calm in the middle of your busy day with my free Mindful Minutes Toolkit.
You can access it for free here.
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Charity is a physician and burnout coach helping introverts in healthcare escape feelings of apathy, irritability, and resentment brought on by the increasing demands and decreasing rewards of medicine.
She uses her 20 years of experience in clinical medicine combined with coaching to help introverts discover ways to be diligent, thoughtful clinicians while prioritizing their needs and protecting their energy. She wants you to know you don’t have to feel guilty for wanting a thriving life inside and outside of medicine.