The Introvert's Guide to Surviving Mandatory Fun: Stealthy Strategies for Joining the Celebration
Put on your hat, and
Party like an introvert!
Have you ever noticed that laughing and crying aren't really that much different from each other? Both trigger a similar state in the body, provide a cathartic way to release emotions, and are thought to have evolved from defensive reflexes to threats or stress.
Maybe that's why you aren't sure whether to laugh or cry when you get invited to an "epic" holiday party or a work-sponsored gathering.
For introverts, "fun" can be a loaded word. Social gatherings, especially work-related events, can send your fight-or-flight circuitry into overdrive. Just the thought of compulsory team-building exercises or hours of small talk is enough to drive many introverts into a state of anxious dread.
Fear not. I've got you covered.
Read on for tips and tools for surviving and enjoying (in your own introverted way) your next shindig.
Don't Skip the Pre-Party
You know managing your energy is essential as an introvert. I don't suggest winging your event unless you're talking about the ubiquitous chicken appetizer doused in buffalo sauce.
First, gather intel. The more you know, the better prepared you can be.
Knowing the who, what, and where of the gathering gives you a chance to anticipate how you'll need to prepare for factors like the time of day and the environment. It also helps to have a sense of the party's vibe and any potential activities that may take place.
Preparing ahead of time can give you a bit of relief and comfort by helping you align with your natural tendencies. It also lets you plan appropriate attire with maximum comfort in mind.
Next, fuel yourself up for (introverted) fun.
This may mean giving yourself an extra dose of solitude or a nap before you go.
If the snacks and beverages are iffy, consider eating beforehand or bringing a couple of your favorite travel-friendly treats or drinks. This way, you're sure to have access to something you like and that agrees with your body.
Put the strength-in-numbers theory into action and enlist an accomplice ahead of time.
This might mean teaming up with a fellow introvert for moral support and sharing the burden of small talk. You can also team up with your favorite extrovert and let them do all the work!
If you crave predictability, give yourself a job.
Volunteering to help with the event can have two delightful benefits, especially if you offer to help with set-up. Arriving early means you can strategically place yourself in an area that feels most comfortable for you, and being "on duty" lets you engage with others with less need for small talk.
So, you're prepared for the big bash. Now what?
Party Like It's 1999
You may or may not remember your New Year's Eve celebration in 1999. The end of that year was marked with excitement and a little dread. A computer programming issue, known as the Y2K bug, raised concerns of widespread chaos when the clock struck midnight and 2000 rolled in.
We celebrated the end of the 20th century with a bit of trepidation. But we made it!
You might feel a similar apprehension about attending your get-together. Give it a chance. Even though you’re anticipating a possible disaster, you may end up having a great time. The secret is to let yourself enjoy it, introvert-style.
One of your superpowers as an introvert is listening. Take advantage of that. You don't have to worry about always carrying the conversation. Let your natural curiosity and attentiveness go to work for you. Rather than feeling pressured to constantly talk, use thoughtful questions to encourage your friends, family, and colleagues to take center stage.
If you're like me, your brain might sometimes go blank in the moment. You might feel more comfortable if you come prepared with a few conversation starters. Take a cue from the coaching world and stick with open-ended questions. These are inquiries that start with “how” or “what”.
A quick internet search will lead you to endless suggestions for questions to get the conversation started and avoid awkward silences.
If that seems a bit much, find that accomplice you enlisted before the event or seek solidarity.
Introverts make up 30-50% of the population, depending on the source. You are most certainly not the only “innie” at the party. Seek out others who find a quiet conversation in an out-of-the-way space just as delightful as the rowdier alternatives.
And don't forget, introverts generally enjoy themselves more when they can focus deeply on a few individuals rather than forcing themselves to work the room.
Last but not least, remember you're allowed to take your alone time, even at a social gathering. Bathroom breaks, meandering to the food and drink table, or heading out for a short walk are all ways to sneak in micro-breaks from the activity.
And what if you've had enough?
Fly Away Social Butterfly
Just because an event lasts 4 hours doesn't necessarily mean you're obligated to stay the entire time.
Don't judge yourself if you notice your stamina starting to drop. Empower yourself to honor your personal boundaries by feeling free to leave before you hit your energetic bottom.
It's also OK to plan for a strategic exit. For example, you might tell yourself it's OK to leave at a defined time or after socializing with a certain number of people.
Just as importantly, plan to recharge your battery after the event. Recognize that socializing, whether you've had fun or not, takes its toll on your energetic reserves. Consider what activities help you re-energize.
Fun is a relative expression. It's your prerogative to play on your terms. You're not at your best when you force yourself into socializing beyond your capacity to be "on". Don't force it. Instead, trust your intuition. When you do, you can have such a good time that you laugh until you cry.
Charity is a physician burnout coach helping introverts in healthcare escape feelings of apathy, irritability, and resentment brought on by the increasing demands and decreasing rewards of medicine.
She uses her 20 years of experience in clinical medicine combined with coaching to help introverts discover ways to be diligent, thoughtful clinicians while prioritizing their needs and protecting their energy. She wants you to know you don’t have to feel guilty for wanting a thriving life inside and outside of medicine.