Misunderstood and Exhausted: How Burnout Affects Relationships for Introverts in Healthcare
To Support Burnout Recovery,
Seek Meaningful Connection
Being an introvert in healthcare can be tricky. Introverts can often feel misunderstood, especially regarding their interpersonal needs. The demands of the healthcare environment don't always align with your innate way of being.
Throw in burnout and the challenges can feel exponential.
There's a common misconception that introverts don't like people. For most of us, this isn't true. Instead, we just really like our alone time.
Unfortunately, this can create a slippery slope when we add burnout to the mix because we know the latter stages of burnout are characterized by a sense of loneliness and isolation. And that doesn't feel good, no matter where you land on the introvert/ extrovert scale.
Time and again, relationships are credited for improving life satisfaction and well-being. That's why it's essential to guard and protect them, especially if you're an introvert facing the exhaustion of burnout.
Understanding How Burnout Affects Introverts and Their Relationships
Relationships are complex, living things. They require a delicate dance between all involved. Missteps can lead to misunderstanding and unintended consequences. Below are a few ways burnout can manifest for introverts.
Reduced Social Energy - By their nature, introverts need more time in solitude to recharge than their extroverted counterparts. The amount of alone time needed to show up fully for socially-oriented interactions can vary. As you move deeper into burnout, your ability to "fire up" for interpersonal engagements decreases while your need for rejuvenating alone time increases.
When communicating with others, you're more likely to feel irritable when you haven't adequately recharged and you’re being required to go beyond your current capacity to connect.
Increased Withdrawal - When all is going well, an introvert's alone time is a safe haven. In the latter stages of burnout, alone time can become more of a tool for escape. From the outside, the actions may look the same. From the inside, this is a massively important shift. The prior orientation contributes to a sense of well-being. The latter not only fails to recharge your energetic battery, but it also contributes to loneliness and isolation.
The more you withdraw, the more discouragement you feel, which can affect your self-esteem.
Emotional Detachment - In healthcare, a degree of emotional detachment is an effective tool to protect against compassion fatigue. However, as burnout progresses, introverts can experience intense emotional exhaustion. Any expenditure of empathy or emotion for others feels impossible; you shut off. It's a protective mechanism taken to the extreme.
You may even become cynical or neglect responsibilities within your relationships when that's not your typical modus operandi.
When Introverts Are Misunderstood
We can never fully know what another person is experiencing. For introverts, misunderstandings or a sense of "otherness" isn't uncommon, and this may be further compounded when you're experiencing burnout.
For example, your need for alone time may be construed as aloofness or a lack of interest in others. When burnout comes into play, you may withdraw even more, and this, combined with your quiet demeanor, can be misinterpreted as anger or disengagement.
As you become more emotionally detached, others may feel neglected or dismissed. They may take your decreased enthusiasm and need for shorter social interactions as a sign that you're not invested in them or the relationship.
If you're unable to express explicitly what's happening for you or what you need, it can lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations of your silence and indirect communication style. Since introverts often avoid conflict, you may not have the energy or ability to bridge the gap, which can seed frustration and resentment.
It becomes a vicious cycle in which cherished alone time becomes more of a defensive mechanism, leading to loneliness, isolation, and lack of support that further entrenches burnout symptoms.
Shifting the Tides of Loneliness and Isolation for Introverts Experiencing Burnout
We all want to be seen and understood. Having a support network of people who recognize your struggles, accept you as you are, and have your back is a vital asset in burnout recovery.
But what if you feel all alone on your journey?
As difficult as it may be, that's when you need to summon your independent, creative nature and take action. It may feel impossible at first, but once you make the first move in relationships, you'll often be rewarded with reciprocity.
Below are some suggestions to reverse burnout's impact and foster stronger connections as an introvert.
First and foremost, communication is critical. It doesn't have to be complicated, but it does take a willingness to share your inner world. A simple "I'm feeling overwhelmed and need some quiet time to recharge" or "I apologize if I seem distracted; I have a lot on my plate right now" can go a long way toward helping others understand you rather than making them guess.
Next, tailor your relationship approach:
Nurturing Your Relationship With Yourself
Perhaps the most important relationship to nurture is the one you have with yourself. It may require exploration to discover what you need and what builds and drains your energy. Determine when and where you need boundaries to help you create space to recover from burnout.
Recognize when you're seeking time alone for nourishing solitude versus withdrawing to escape. When it's the latter, be proactive about participating in activities that engage you mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Preserving Existing Relationships With Others
Established relationships can be nurtured through micro-connections. If you simultaneously need alone time and feel alone, a quick text or phone call can create a conduit for connection while using minimal energy reserves.
Or you can schedule short meet-up times and choose "feel-good" activities that allow you to be together with less energy exertion. For example, if you enjoy the theater or the movies, watching a show together can create a connection while not necessarily requiring you to be "on". Rather than avoiding social invitations, feel free to suggest these types of alternatives to create a win-win for both sides.
Additionally, showing your appreciation and gratitude often doesn't require much energy but can significantly foster connection and goodwill. Communication doesn't always require direct interaction. Sending a note or a small gift can have a big impact, too.
Finally, share your inner experience. Help others understand what you're going through to avoid hurt feelings due to misunderstandings. Direct, open, and honest communication removes ambiguity from your relationships.
Forming New Relationships With Others
The thought of actively cultivating new relationships when you're experiencing burnout can feel impossible. However, if you find yourself lacking an adequate support system, that may be what you need to do.
Online communities or support groups that center around your specific interests and needs are a great place to start. It's even better if you can engage with other introverts. There will be less need for explaining!
Online interactions can be less taxing on your energy while still allowing you to connect. You may also be able to find local groups that focus on introvert-friendly activities. Again, look for opportunities to connect around topics and activities that you know elevate your energy. When you feel optimistic about when, where, and how you'll be interacting, making a connection becomes easier.
If you have no energy to give to developing new connections, a formal relationship with a therapist or coach is a great place to start. These relationships can provide support and encouragement with fewer expectations for reciprocity.
The good news is most introverts don't require a large social circle to feel supported and nurtured. You can intentionally focus your attention and energy on a few relationships and thrive. For you, the number isn't what matters. You benefit from the power of a small number of genuine connections.
Though burnout arises from workplace stress, its impact is not confined to your job. Burnout can affect all of your relationships, whether professional or personal.
There are ways to be proactive so your relationships don't fall victim to burnout. Use the tips above to support yourself first and then to enhance your connection with others.
Don't underestimate the power of a supportive network in your burnout recovery. Whether leaning on existing relationships, forging new connections around shared experiences, or seeking professional support, you don't have to go through burnout alone.
Want to learn more about using compassionate detachment to protect your energy?
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Charity is a physician burnout coach helping introverts in healthcare escape feelings of apathy, irritability, and resentment brought on by the increasing demands and decreasing rewards of medicine.
She uses her 20 years of experience in clinical medicine combined with coaching to help introverts discover ways to be diligent, thoughtful clinicians while prioritizing their needs and protecting their energy. She wants you to know you don’t have to feel guilty for wanting a thriving life inside and outside of medicine.