Grieving the Career You Wanted: A Guide for Introverts Who Feel Disillusioned with Healthcare
How Introverts Can Move Beyond
Career Grief
Most individuals who enter the healthcare profession do so with a passion for helping others and doing good in the world.
I know I did.
How frustrating, then, when we encounter a deep disconnect between the career we envisioned for ourselves and the reality of our work.
Before I chose medicine, I did my homework. I volunteered at hospitals. I shadowed doctors. As I stepped into medical school, I carried with me a sense of altruism, curiosity, and a desire to make a difference.
But I also brought with me my innocence and a lack of understanding regarding the complexities of the healthcare system.
I was clueless about the business or politics of healthcare. I didn’t realize how that might impact my relationships with the people who became patients and colleagues.
The further along I moved in my medical career, the more I found that my intentions for myself as a physician didn’t always align with the expectations of others.
Part of my burnout experience involved grieving the career I had imagined for myself.
I suspect this is also true for many fellow introverts in healthcare. Not only are you dealing with the stresses and demands of your role, but you may also be contending with thoughts of “this isn’t how it was supposed to be”.
The journey can feel lonely.
If you find yourself in this situation, it might be helpful to understand the five stages of grief and how they may be influencing your career experience.
For each stage, I'll provide strategies tailored for introverts to help you cope and close the gap between what you had hoped for and what is.
As was always my goal in healthcare, my intent is to be a resource for helping you feel better.
The 5 Stages of Career Grief
Denial
Denial, in psychology, is a defense mechanism used to avoid the existence of a problem. You may start noticing the incongruencies between what you had hoped for versus your reality, but you don’t truly let yourself acknowledge the impact.
Instead, you might try to minimize what’s happening.
You may tell yourself that everyone feels stressed or things could be worse. You may even begin to isolate yourself to avoid having to field questions or comments about work from family and friends.
Anger
Anger and resentment can start to bubble up into your thoughts and actions. The targets of your ire may be many.
You’re irritated with the system and the burdens it places on you. You may be frustrated by colleagues who seem to thrive in the extroverted healthcare environment while you struggle, or you may chastise yourself for choosing medicine in the first place.
Bargaining
In this stage, a part of you is trying to resurrect that ideal career. You take on responsibility for all the reasons your healthcare role hasn’t turned out as planned.
You might start thinking, “If I could just work harder…” or “If I could just be more extroverted…”
You may have thoughts of “If only I would’ve….”, things might be different.
Depression
When even your best efforts fail to achieve the dream you had hoped for, feelings of overwhelm can start to encompass your day. A sense of hopelessness creeps in.
You may start having doubts about yourself as a healthcare professional. You may wonder if it’s time to leave medicine altogether. You may notice more difficulty concentrating or making decisions and feel directionless or lost in your life.
Acceptance
The final phase of grief may take time, but you start to accept what is rather than fighting with reality.
Perhaps you’ll never be able to achieve that utopian view of medicine you once had. But you can still find avenues of purpose and satisfaction that sustain you. You recognize that, despite everything, your skills and desire to help patients are valuable.
You recognize how to reconcile the sadness you feel around letting go of a past dream with the need to move on.
You begin to intentionally design your future with the knowledge and wisdom you now have. You allow your persistence and resilience to carry you forward into growth.
How to Cope With Career Disappointment as an Introvert
Grief follows its own path. There is no timeline. But there are strategies you can use to cope at each stage. Here are some tips to help you move through the stages of grief in your career.
Acknowledge Denial
When experiencing denial, it can help to start acknowledging your feelings by writing them out. Suspend judgment.
Journaling can help you express the disappointment and remorse over wanting something else, rather than trying to ignore it. It provides a low-pressure setting to feel and release your emotions.
You don’t have to share your thoughts and feelings with anyone, but talking with a trusted confidant or professional who can simply listen and witness your experience may be beneficial.
Channel Anger
When the anger arises, take time to investigate its source.
You may find that a handful of issues cause most of your frustration.
For example, you may feel angry at the number of hours you’re asked to devote to your career and its intrusion on your personal life. Or you may be irritated by the pressure to function at a pace that doesn’t allow you to give your patients the time and care you’d prefer.
Channel your anger into positive action. Use your natural curiosity to problem-solve and advocate for changes that better suit your needs.
Bargain for Yourself
The bargaining stage of career grief may drive you to give more and compromise your values out of guilt for not “fitting in” to the current system.
Instead, this is an excellent time to focus on your boundaries and self-care. Knowing the places where you’re not willing to compromise serves you as you move forward into intentionally recrafting your future.
Nurture yourself and honor your needs. Prioritize activities that raise your energy. Weave essential introvert-friendly activities into your day.
Respect Depression’s Call for Support
When you start feeling a broad sense of hopelessness and discontent regarding your role and the overall environment in healthcare, this is a time to seek community and support.
Connecting with others who have or are experiencing similar feelings can be empowering.
Learning how others have moved through their own version of career grief and then learned to thrive can be inspiring and a source of wisdom to add to your playbook as you navigate your career.
If you feel unable to cope with your depression, seek the help of a mental health professional. Therapy can be a necessary and valuable source of guidance and support.
Accept and Reframe
Reframing is a powerful tool that lets you see your experience from many angles. When you accept the reality of what is, you can focus your energy on making positive moves toward a life you design.
This might mean creating change where you are, exploring new opportunities within medicine or healthcare-adjacent fields, or rethinking your career altogether.
The more aware you are of your needs and wants as an introvert, the greater your chances of bridging the gap between what you want for yourself and the reality of your day-to-day life.
Just because you’ve ended up in a place where you feel stuck doesn’t mean you have to stay there.
Grief presents itself in many forms. We most often think of grief in terms of losing a loved one, but it can show up anytime we lose something we deeply value or care about.
When the reality of your healthcare career doesn’t match the ideal you had for yourself, the career grief is real. Be gentle with yourself. Recognize where you’re at. There is a way through.
Start with these tips and strategies. If you need support, learn more about how I help here.
Charity is a physician burnout coach helping introverts in healthcare escape feelings of apathy, irritability, and resentment brought on by the increasing demands and decreasing rewards of medicine.
She uses her 20 years of experience in clinical medicine combined with coaching to help introverts discover ways to be diligent, thoughtful clinicians while prioritizing their needs and protecting their energy. She wants you to know you don’t have to feel guilty for wanting a thriving life inside and outside of medicine.